Rage! in 1000 words

You ever make an honest mistake that seems unavoidable that you’ll probably have to pay for anyway?

You try and vent out your frustration by just writing. You write and write and write. Whatever pops into your head, you put it down. It doesn’t really help though. All you can think about is your mistake and what you would rather be doing with your time. No matter what you write, it doesn’t get any better. You figure that something experimental like just writing in a free flowing fashion will ease your mind, but it doesn’t. You blew it. You messed up completely. There’s nothing you can do to undo it and it just makes you even more angry. You’ve been busy and all that matters is getting your work done. There’s so many things you’d rather be doing. Oh so many. A lot of them are actually constructive too. That’s right, if you didn’t have these responsibilities to worry about, you could be doing something with your time other than goofing off. And you’re a college student too! Who knew such a thing could happen? You’re just as surprised by this as anyone. You’re intrigued by it as a matter of fact. You wanna start thinking about it more, but you’re just too angry and have those other things (that have made you angry in the first place) that you need to worry about. Wouldn’t you know it?! This only makes you even angrier. It’s overwhelming. It consumes your thoughts. It becomes all you can think to write about. You struggle to think of something else, but it just doesn’t happen. You have a bunch of other things you’re already supposed to be thinking about. What were they again? Damnit, now you’ve lost track of your thoughts. This writing experiment isn’t getting you anywhere. What were you writing about? You don’t even know. You never had an idea. You fear you may have an anuerism. You wonder if you’ve spelled the word “anuerism” right. You likely haven’t. Mistakes often come in packs. They’re terrible like that. One domino falls over and so do the rest. Now you’ve resorted to using crappy metaphors. How can you let yourself do that? You’re better than this. You know that you are. Or are you? Maybe you have delusions of greatness. Maybe you’re a closet megalomaniac and you’re just now realizing it. Maybe you think that you can change the world but have now realized that you can only change it according to your perception of it, which is completely objectional. Which may not even be real. It’s very likely that you’re reality is different from other’s reality. Wow, this are some heavy revalations that falling on your lap right now. You wanna contemplate them further but remember that you have work to do. Also, you had a point somewhere in trying your little experiment, but that’s since long lost. What experiment? Exactly. See, now you’re talking to yourself. That just ain’t healthy. In fact, it’s supposed to be one of the first signs of insanity. You could have multiple personality disorder or suffer from schitzophrenia. You’re pretty sure that you’ve spelled schitzophrenia wrong too. You know that you’re close, but you know you’re probably not right. Maybe things would cool down if you took a step back and tried to calm down, but you’re too angry. All you wanna do is just keep that anger going. Keep tapping into that infinite source of hate that’s threatening to tear you apart from the inside out. It becomes all that you know. You white out for a second. Not black out, white out. You know that you’re doing something, you’re just not necessarily sure what it is. For all you know, you could be typing up a rant on your computer or you could be out on the streets robbing old ladies of their purses. You realize then that you have secret fantasies about stealing from defensless old ladies. You decide that you are a much more horrible person than you originally thought. You didn’t think it was possible, but now you’re more angry than you were before. What does this mean? You didn’t think that these kinds of levels of spite and malice existed, but they do! The terrible truth is that they do! You’re curious now. You wonder if you’ve climed every mountain you could. You wonder if there is a level of animosity even higher above what you’re already at. The thought of such a negativity existing scares you. You begin to recede from you’re previous level of hate to a much lower level. It is at that point that you realize that you are a coward for being afraid to discover the aforementioned ascended level of anger. Since nobody likes a coward, espescially yourself, you get madder than ever before. Words cannot discribe the level of indignation you feel. Not even the word indignation. Angry at the fact that there isn’t a word to describe how you feel, you resort to speaking in tongues. You the “words” udhsfus, dfhjnsf, sdfnsajklbn, and slkdhfjlk, but they do you no good. You then try the words qdsvbns, jhajkha, qeruwiofhjplk, and poiqwjikn. Again, they do no justice for how you feel. This threatens to make you yet even more angry. The thought of such a thing happening actually does make you angrier. You burn white hot now. You’re body tempeture has risen to incalcuable levels. No human should survive under such circumstances. If you were to go to Hell right now, Lucifer himself would wimper in the presence of all the negative energy that you now embody. You are pure anger. The universe itself cannot contain your essence any longer. You’ve become a burden to existence, so much so that the universe collapses in on you like white blood cells attacking a virus. The universe implodes on you and everything ceases to be.

Has anything like this ever happened to you?

No?

Yeah, me neither.