The Little Blog Engine That Could

Requiem

Posted in Uncategorized by northr60 on December 17, 2008

So here it is, my last blog post. I can’t say I’ve enjoyed this because I’m honest to a fault, but I do hope to someday have a functional use for blogs. That much I’ve discovered for myself; that there is at least a theoretical use for them. It’s too bad no one seems to want to keep this blog going. As I said earlier, I’d love for a place to post my writing for people to read, but who am I kidding, it was a rare occurence when someone did so anyway. I know I barely ever read the posts of others. It’s a shame really, but there’s nothing I can do. At this point, I just want the semester to be over. This has probably been the worst semester of my college career, which is saying a lot since I’ve already survived two and a half years of community college. This is unbearably depressing to think about, so I’ll just start thinking about next semester, since I’m pretty sure there’s nowhere to go but up from here. All I have to do to do that is click that big blue publish button. So long folks, it’s been real.

Rage! in 1000 words

Posted in Uncategorized by northr60 on December 17, 2008

You ever make an honest mistake that seems unavoidable that you’ll probably have to pay for anyway?

You try and vent out your frustration by just writing. You write and write and write. Whatever pops into your head, you put it down. It doesn’t really help though. All you can think about is your mistake and what you would rather be doing with your time. No matter what you write, it doesn’t get any better. You figure that something experimental like just writing in a free flowing fashion will ease your mind, but it doesn’t. You blew it. You messed up completely. There’s nothing you can do to undo it and it just makes you even more angry. You’ve been busy and all that matters is getting your work done. There’s so many things you’d rather be doing. Oh so many. A lot of them are actually constructive too. That’s right, if you didn’t have these responsibilities to worry about, you could be doing something with your time other than goofing off. And you’re a college student too! Who knew such a thing could happen? You’re just as surprised by this as anyone. You’re intrigued by it as a matter of fact. You wanna start thinking about it more, but you’re just too angry and have those other things (that have made you angry in the first place) that you need to worry about. Wouldn’t you know it?! This only makes you even angrier. It’s overwhelming. It consumes your thoughts. It becomes all you can think to write about. You struggle to think of something else, but it just doesn’t happen. You have a bunch of other things you’re already supposed to be thinking about. What were they again? Damnit, now you’ve lost track of your thoughts. This writing experiment isn’t getting you anywhere. What were you writing about? You don’t even know. You never had an idea. You fear you may have an anuerism. You wonder if you’ve spelled the word “anuerism” right. You likely haven’t. Mistakes often come in packs. They’re terrible like that. One domino falls over and so do the rest. Now you’ve resorted to using crappy metaphors. How can you let yourself do that? You’re better than this. You know that you are. Or are you? Maybe you have delusions of greatness. Maybe you’re a closet megalomaniac and you’re just now realizing it. Maybe you think that you can change the world but have now realized that you can only change it according to your perception of it, which is completely objectional. Which may not even be real. It’s very likely that you’re reality is different from other’s reality. Wow, this are some heavy revalations that falling on your lap right now. You wanna contemplate them further but remember that you have work to do. Also, you had a point somewhere in trying your little experiment, but that’s since long lost. What experiment? Exactly. See, now you’re talking to yourself. That just ain’t healthy. In fact, it’s supposed to be one of the first signs of insanity. You could have multiple personality disorder or suffer from schitzophrenia. You’re pretty sure that you’ve spelled schitzophrenia wrong too. You know that you’re close, but you know you’re probably not right. Maybe things would cool down if you took a step back and tried to calm down, but you’re too angry. All you wanna do is just keep that anger going. Keep tapping into that infinite source of hate that’s threatening to tear you apart from the inside out. It becomes all that you know. You white out for a second. Not black out, white out. You know that you’re doing something, you’re just not necessarily sure what it is. For all you know, you could be typing up a rant on your computer or you could be out on the streets robbing old ladies of their purses. You realize then that you have secret fantasies about stealing from defensless old ladies. You decide that you are a much more horrible person than you originally thought. You didn’t think it was possible, but now you’re more angry than you were before. What does this mean? You didn’t think that these kinds of levels of spite and malice existed, but they do! The terrible truth is that they do! You’re curious now. You wonder if you’ve climed every mountain you could. You wonder if there is a level of animosity even higher above what you’re already at. The thought of such a negativity existing scares you. You begin to recede from you’re previous level of hate to a much lower level. It is at that point that you realize that you are a coward for being afraid to discover the aforementioned ascended level of anger. Since nobody likes a coward, espescially yourself, you get madder than ever before. Words cannot discribe the level of indignation you feel. Not even the word indignation. Angry at the fact that there isn’t a word to describe how you feel, you resort to speaking in tongues. You the “words” udhsfus, dfhjnsf, sdfnsajklbn, and slkdhfjlk, but they do you no good. You then try the words qdsvbns, jhajkha, qeruwiofhjplk, and poiqwjikn. Again, they do no justice for how you feel. This threatens to make you yet even more angry. The thought of such a thing happening actually does make you angrier. You burn white hot now. You’re body tempeture has risen to incalcuable levels. No human should survive under such circumstances. If you were to go to Hell right now, Lucifer himself would wimper in the presence of all the negative energy that you now embody. You are pure anger. The universe itself cannot contain your essence any longer. You’ve become a burden to existence, so much so that the universe collapses in on you like white blood cells attacking a virus. The universe implodes on you and everything ceases to be.

Has anything like this ever happened to you?

No?

Yeah, me neither.

Jumping the Shark

Posted in Uncategorized by northr60 on December 17, 2008

I feel like I’m outgrowing many aspects of my life. It’s not as if I’m a terribly unsatisfied person, I just feel as if there’s a lot of room for growth. One of those things is definately school. It’s a shame I didn’t realize how much I enjoyed learning until I was in college. If I had come to that conclusion earlier, I would’ve done much better in high school and would be in a much better situation now. Alas, I can only look upon my moderately good academic performance over the years and be thankful it’s not any worse than it is. I’ll be graduating in a year and even though it’s a semester late than what it should be, it feels odd that I’m almost done.

I feel as if there’s still a lot to be gained from school. There’s so much I could still learn and so many fields I’ve yet to even explore. For a short time, I wished that I could go to school and get paid to do so, just so I could support myself by learning. Unfortunately, I’m not the kind of genius that gets to do that. Anyway, I have a very good idea about what I want to do with my life after school, although I still need the time I have left to properly plot a course toward my goal. As I’ve said several times (if not in this blog then in class) I want to be a writer of transgressional fiction and comic books. According to my plan, the latter will likely be accomplished before the former. Novels are hard to write. I’ve learned that much in college. They take a lot of time that I won’t likely have right out of college. A job writing comic books is right up my alley though, as it will make up for the years I’ve spent daydreaming instead of paying attention in class and doing my homework. Really, I just want to get to it. Get to writing. Start my career. With so much clutter in my life right now, it’s hard to do so. That’s why I just want school to be done with.

Really, what’s so bad about video games?

Posted in Uncategorized by northr60 on December 17, 2008

My roomate popped in a game called Final Fantasy X the other day much to my delight. It’s not a two player game so only he could play it, but watching him play through the game warmed me over with a sense of nostalgia. I had beaten the game once or twice back in high school and loved every minute of it. The story, what the entire game revolves around, is so incredibly well written that it just sucks you in. You don’t even need to actually be playing it to enjoy it. It’s like someone wrote a great novel and made a movie out of it, only they didn’t leave a single detail out of it to conserve for time (the game takes at least 30 hours to beat). It made me remember something I had all but forgotten until we discussed video games in class the other week.

I, unfortunately, despised books when I was a child. I can’t remember one book that I liked growing up. Now I’m not trying to talk myself up, but I wouldn’t think it arrogant of me to say that I’m slightly more affluent than the average person. How can this happen to someone who doesn’t read books, you say? Easily. Video games were my books. Before video games contained full voice overs (FFX being one of the first back in 2001) everything was written out in text. If you were interested in the story, as I almost always was when playing these long winded games, you had to read along. These games like FFX, these 30-40 hour epics, were my very favorite kinds of games. I contribute my being more than functionally literate to all the reading that I did to play these games. So really ladies (and I say ladies because many of my classmates chimed in to put down the kids who spend too much time on video games, none of them being me or Mike) what’s so wrong about a kid spending long hours in front of a playstation? You think that we’re rotting out our brains, but really, we’re getting a hell of a lot more culture than you realize. Sure, there are badly written video games just as there are badly written books, but you’d be surprised at the amount of depth and character development they put into some of these games. If you really consider this, it’s easy to see why kids spend so much time on them.

Goodbye, Cruel Blog

Posted in Uncategorized by albano04 on December 16, 2008

 

“Mike, you’re finally done blogging.”

“Well, I have this last one to do.”

“Oh really? How goes it?”

“OK I guess. Honestly I’m sick and tired of the whole ordeal.”

“Why? I thought you liked writing.”

“I do, I do. It’s just that writing about writing…eh. Not my style”

“What is ‘your style’?”

“I don’t know, something a little more creative, maybe a little more abstract.”

“Explain.”

“Well, that teacher who came into class the other day, what she was saying made a lot of sense to me. She was a grade school writing teacher and to get her kids to write she simply had them write about what interested them, or what they knew about.”

“But you know a thing or two about writing, don’t you?”

“Sometimes I think so, but that’s not the point. The point is I a not passionate about writing about writing. I think the Teacher’s point she was trying to make was that students will write better when they have a certain passion for what they are writing about.”

“I see…”

“Yeah, I mean this exercise does better help me understand blogs I guess, but It would have been far more rewarding, and probably better written, if I could have chosen my own blog or something.”
“Can’t always get what you want.”

“Oh I know, I’m not complaining, just babbling really.”

Write zombie, write!

Posted in Uncategorized by albano04 on December 16, 2008

 

Last night I slept on a couch in a dark room filled with trash and cigarette smoke. The garbage clutters the table in the middle. All night the TV is on, but set to one of those silent black channels that make it seem shut off. The tile floor is cold, the wind is cold. The temperature dropped last night. I was wrapped up in blankets I found scattered throughout the house, but the cold bites into my back from behind. I need my home, I need my clean room and my warm bed. I need to write about what I want to write about, but instead I invoke the powers of the Language Zombie to do my bidding. There is no food in my stomach, no food in the house, but there is also no time to eat, only time to blog. Great idea in theory, but this whole environment is beginning to look a lot like a chilling winter, and my destination for tomorrow is farther north. God damn, I need a vacation.

We’ll rest at Christmas

Posted in Uncategorized by albano04 on December 16, 2008

 

I feel I haven’t been writing creatively enough this semester. I must admit, it brings me own. I tried to think of the reasons I never have time, until it hit me that of course I have so much writing for all of my classes that when my free time rolls around the last thing I want to do it write. So I am looking forward to winter break. Maybe I’ll have enough time to write something I like instead of what the teacher likes. When I write for fun I don’t really use blogs. I like the idea of getting feedback but I guess I don’t like the idea of my work being up for all to see. So my only critic is me, and I have come to find that I am a tougher critic than most. I mean, I’ve been getting back these papers from my teachers that I think are either bordering on lousy or are just totally lousy and my grades are great. I don’t get It sometimes. Anyway, this winter is a time to do some written reflection, and some relaxation.

Language Zombie

Posted in Uncategorized by albano04 on December 16, 2008

 

I am the language zombie. I sleeze my way across the floor in perfect silence to find the net terminal, where I infect the web with my rambles of past present and future.

“Halt, who goes there,” They mumble nervously through quivering lips, but I am already behind them accessing the web.

“You need a password to connect!” They say, but I am alert and pay attention when no one else is. The password is mine and I begin my assault on boredom and sleepiness.

I am the language zombie. I log on and write. Fist one blog is infected, then two, then three, until the entire Internet is under the plague. My words slip out my wiry fingers onto the console, and to the trained eye I can make magic happen, but right now I need to read, and build my strength for the final posts by this brain eater.

Crunch Time

Posted in Uncategorized by albano04 on December 16, 2008

 

I wake up from eight hours sleep. Since when do I get eight hours of sleep? I don’t, it was an accident. Instead of sleeping I was meant to be doing last minute assignment work. So now I am awake and it’s crunch time. I have to finish these blogs, and then write a little something about what I think of the online spaces that the module has been using. Not so bad, but still, the clock is ticking. Someone is making coffee and I need it badly if I want to continue. I wish I did not fall asleep, but theres been so much “wrap up” work involved in all of my classes that I find myself saying that a lot…

Reading Throughout the Day

Posted in Uncategorized by metzl20 on December 16, 2008

           I’m obsessed with reading directions on products.  I love using new shampoo and conditioner bottles and I can’t wait to read the directions printed on its back.  Some are bland and boring, even a few don’t suggest ways to lather and rinse, but some are quirky and fun and have even made me giggle.  Maybe it’s just because I tend to be attracted to girly products.  I love drinking Fuze Green Tea, and not just because it says to “shake it up!”  It tells me the vitamins I’m consuming and what they do for me along with what antioxidants are included and I like the fact that no syrups are including in the list of ingredients.  I use ShopRite’s Cocoa Butter Lotion in the winter because I have very dry skin.  I make sure to “apply liberally” after all it does “restore a more youthful softness to even the driest skin.”  The pencil sharpener on my 64-pack of Crayola crayons says to “peel back crayon wrapper before sharpening crayon.”  I know I love to read novels, short stories and poems, but I can’t help myself from reading everyday tidbits that I could easily live without knowing.  I know how to wash my hair.  I know that iced tea drinks always need to be shaken.  I’m aware of what vitamins can provide for my body and that antioxidants are found in Green Tea.  I know that lotion helps soften skin.  I certainly know how to sharpen a crayon.  I just can’t help but read and I don’t mind.